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By Jordan Bochanis - October 3, 2002

There's nothing I hate more than -- wait a minute -- there are a million things I hate more than events held for the marketing industry. But I really hate events that are held for the marketing industry.

That said, I have just returned from a glorious week at an event held for -- you guessed it -- the marketing industry, called the L.A. Office RoadShow!

Of all the orgies held for marketers during the course of the year, the L.A. Office RoadShow is my favorite. The idea is that marketers gather in one place (actually, the RoadShow used to bring Hollywood deal mongers to New York and L.A., thus the name "RoadShow"). Hollywood studio execs come in and present all of their great tie-in opportunities so that the high-level marketers in attendance will turn into a school of hungry sharks, gnawing at the carcasses of each and every feature-length re-make of a 1970's television series.

And it works. During a presentation on the Game Show Network, not only did I get to sit through 10 slides that explained how the Game Show Network is "growing across all key demos," and that somehow Chuck Woolery has been cryogenically preserved and resuscitated to host a new show called "Lingo," but I found my thoughts strangely wandering to "how can I create a '$100,000 Pyramid' promotion for my clients?"

This is the beauty of the RoadShow. So, you may be asking yourselves, what's the good part? Ah, location, location, location. Being forced into the epicenter of the entertainment industry during the Emmy Awards can be fun and educational. I was able to wander uninvited into a post-Emmy "Entertainment Tonight"/Paramount party being held at the Mondrian Hotel.

While standing behind a pack of paparazzi positioned at the end of the red carpet in front of some kind of logo-covered wall built specifically as a backdrop for posing, I learned that most young starlets have tattoos on their lower backs. By screaming "show us your tattoo!" these young ladies are more than happy to tug at their expensive evening gowns to keep photographers from In Style magazine happy. I am told that this can cost up to $10 at "Gentleman's Clubs" in the U.S.

The RoadShow also provides other great services to those of us in this biz -- like allowing marketing types to parade in and around Hollywood tourist attractions wearing lanyards emblazoned with their names (first name really big: WALLY) while talking on cell phones, which some people think is pretty cool.

And, if that weren't enough, a big, post-presentation party for attendees and presenters featured the 1970's supergroup, Chicago, complete with horn section and hit medleys. This made for interesting conversations during the evening: "What did you say Spider-Man's Q Scores were? What? Could you repeat that?"

I left before the encore, which according to the list I happened to see on the lighting guy's control board (which doubled as a empty beer bottle table) was going to be the ubiquitous "25 or 6 to 4" -- a classic no matter what the kind of van where you heard it first!

Now, as I sit back in my dank, East Coast office, trying to create an under-the-cap game out of the yet-untitled "The Rock Movie," I can't help thinking that there are only 5 days left until PROMO Expo.

See you there.